The sadness of her own father's funeral, and how she wished it might have been different, inspired a former civil servant to make a huge change in career and lead to her what she calls the best job in the world. Celebrant Kate Lusty offers a truly personal service, helping to celebrate the biggest moments in people's lives, but the work she loves most is bringing compassion, care and detail to the ceremony which marks the passing of a loved one's life. Her work as an Independent Family Celebrant means just that, an individual and unique service.

Kate told Nub News about why she loves what she does, how she keeps her emotions in check, and how both her parents led her to choose this career.

First of all - what kind of services does Kate offer?

I offer many different kinds of ceremony; I can deliver traditional and formal, or I can work on the opposite end of the scale with a 'Going Away Party' vibe, or also something somewhere in between. Life should be a celebration, a tribute to our time on earth, and I feel that our 'final bow' when we say goodbye, should be personal and reflective of who we were. I hope to become the celebrant who is remembered for delivering a joyous, uplifting and inspirational ceremony.

When a family ask me to create a ceremony, I first start with a visit and I have devised a checklist that I work through with the family, to collate as much information about the deceased as possible. This includes getting to know what kind of character they were, what they would want to be remembered for, any memorable life events, proudest moments, what things were most important to them. This then helps me build the ceremony ; I don't always like to just deliver a story chronologically, I like to entwine it into the flow of the ceremony. I use compassion and dignity to create a worthy ceremony on the snippets I know.

I also maintain a large catalogue of poetry and readings and if the family are stuck with ideas, I can make suggestions or even create a bespoke poem for their loved one. I also have help with music selections; my husband and son are huge music fans and constantly educate me in many genres, so we may listen to music for hours until we find 'the one'. My father's teaching of classical music always also comes in useful if I need something more traditional.

As for the ceremony itself

Once I have created the first draft of the ceremony, I send it back to the family for approval, of course, and then they can make amendments and adjustments. I also assist with the drafting of the Order of Service, and as soon as the ceremony script is approved, I can confirm the details with the Funeral Director or printer. On the day itself I can offer other types of support to the family; I can welcome the congregation at the entrance, or afterwards offer thanks when they are leaving.

I usually walk into the service just ahead of the funeral party and coffin, but I can also walk in with the family or lead them in (it all depends on what they would like). I like to have a very tactile approach and want to make sure the family feel as comfortable as possible considering the circumstances. About a week after the service, I then ask the family of they would like a copy of the ceremony script, and if they do, I deliver a bound copy for they safekeeping.

The hardest part of creating a memorable ceremony is the timeslot. Most Crematoriums have multiple services each day, usually every 45 minutes, so I have to be very good with timings, to ensure that I include all essentials to create a perfect ceremony. 

What about you ? How did you become a celebrant in Somerset ?

I'm originally from Newport, South Wales, and I moved to Somerset 15 years ago. Before that I was lucky enough to work within several central government departments, travelling the country and spending many years working in London (when I worked for the Ministry of Justice and The Court Service).

I was blessed with a supportive early career, but I am also thankful to my genes! I come from a very creative family, my mother studied Fashion and Textiles and was always creating a beautiful dresses, colourful embroideries, gorgeous knitted creations and lots of crocheted treasures. My father was an artist, a sculptor, a poet, and also worked in Museums and Art Galleries, so my childhood was packed with creativity.

So how did the move to becoming a celebrant start

I was working as a Health & Safety Consultant, but something didn't feel right, my creative side was fighting to get out.

It was when I lost my father in 2016, that I started to think about how I could regain some creativity; my Dad always said: "If you can see it in your mind's eye, then you can make it happen". So it all began.

Most of my jobs during my life have required a huge amount of writing (mainly training materials and policy writing though!). So I drew on what I knew I enjoyed doing.

Also, my Dad's funeral really rocked me; he was a religious man and wanted a traditional funeral and burial. It was so sombre and sad, and I remember thinking about how 'generic' the service felt, even though I had helped the vicar pull the eulogy together and delivered some of the service myself. I couldn't help thinking afterwards how I could have made it more personal, a tribute to a man who was so talented, with such a creative brain, who had dreams. I like to think that it was my Dad's parting gift to me, to inspire me to see what I could do in the world to make a difference.

How do you control your emotions at what can be such a tragic and sad time to deliver the 'best' goodbye?

Dealing with emotion is always a challenge but as trained Celebrants we are taught to channel our own emotions to be able to compassionately consider the emotions of others. Breathing and focus on delivering the best ceremony I possibly can is always at the forefront of my thinking on the day.

I only get one chance to deliver the best goodbye, that hopefully provides some comfort and closure to the grieving family and friends. I don't get nervous standing and speaking in front of hundreds of people; I have done that all my life, but I do get nervous of not delivering my absolute best (creative nerves are good for continuous improvement). 

The saddest services can be the passing of children before their parents, the loss of the elderly who have died after all of their family and who may only have a few people turn up for their ceremony, or on worst days, nobody at all. Each and every service carries sadness and tears but I always aim to reflect on the joy they have brought in their lifetime; no matter if we feel we haven't brought joy, we all have, we have lived!

My proudest moments are when I stand at the exit after a service and people shake my hand and thank me for a beautiful service. That's when I know I've got it right.

And your training ?

I trained with the Fellowship Of Professional Celebrants, first to deliver Weddings, Renewal of Vows, Naming Ceremonies, Milestone Birthdays, then later to be able to deliver Funeral Ceremonies, Celebration of Life Services and Memorials. I can honestly say that this is the best job in the world.

Friends thought me crazy when I announced that my favourite type of ceremonies are funerals. For me, this isn't a job, it's an absolute honour to be able to give someone the send-off they so rightly deserve.